Routine!
At the heart of every routine is a mother trying to sleep. We all strive to have the most effective routine resulting in a consistent good night sleep. When I had my first child sleep deprivation hurt. I was exhausted all the time so I researched routines: I bought books on the subject and discussed routines with other mothers. My first baby is the only baby I did this with, mainly because I found the outcome was the same no matter what I did, my babies were never consistent. I would experiment and scrabble around in the dark noting down times and lengths of feeds. I would find a routine that worked really well one day, but the next it wouldn't.
I breastfed on demand which made it harder to follow a routine. If my baby was especially hungry one day they were probably having a growth spurt so I felt it was unfair to limit their intake. Similarly if it was a particularly hot day, they may want to feed more because they are thirsty. I found a routine was much easier to establish when breastfeeding had ceased.
All my children were breastfed for different lengths of time, I gave up when they were ready with the exception of my first. I turned to solids at just five months and had completely given up breastfeeding her at six and a half months. I was a first time, young mother I was eager to get to the next stage. The longest one of my children breast fed for was 14 months, I didn't establish a firm routine during that time. My older children were attending school and nursery so they had a day to day routine for meals and bed time, my youngest loosely followed it. I would breast feed him when he wanted it but I offered him solids (mainly finger food) at meal times after he turned six months. My youngest was not an easy weaner he refused to put any form of food in his mouth until he was one year, and would not drink out of a bottle or a beaker until he was eleven months.
When bedtime came along I would bath everyone at the same time every night, I would try to give him his final feed when I had put the other three to bed. Occasionally this didn't work, there were times when the older ones were playing up and my youngest was desperate for his milk: so he was fed while I read stories to the others. If he didn't go to sleep immediately I wouldn't stress about it. I always enjoyed a loving tired cuddle. I have always been conscious of how quickly time passes with children, how soon they are at school and the one on one time has passed. So I enjoyed every cuddle available.
When he eventually fell asleep (in my arms) I would put him in his cot. Before midnight every baby of mine would always wake in their cot and cry out for a cuddle along with a sleepy feed. I would go and get them, feed in my bed and CO-sleep for the rest of the night. I tried controlled crying but I wasn't consistent enough, if I was tired having to walk twenty times up the stairs was my Kryptonite. The tears they shed would break my heart and I would end up hot and sweaty- feeling anxious. If I were to feed in the night and settle them back in their cot I found I would be up between four and six times in one night. I would then be exhausted and unable to play the next day, however I found when I co-slept they only woke once.
No matter which routine you follow I think they each have their own draw backs. For example I imagine a strict routine means you have to be organized- a spontaneous late night could cause a disaster. My lack of routine means that I have difficulty persuading my children when it is time for them to spend all night in their own bed. Most mornings my husband and I wake to find there are five of us in the bed.
I didn't write this to tell mothers to follow my own non routine, or to persuade you that my way is the right way. I merely wrote it to say whether you have a strict routine, a looser routine or no routine at all-if it works for you and means you get to have those precious hours of good sleep (we all know how important they have become) keep doing it, and good for you for finding something that works. Mothers shouldn't feel there is only one way to parent, otherwise our children would all be the same and that would make for very boring marriages and friendships.
