Pregnancy and Labour

Oscar Michael

     In English, Oscar means ‘Divine Spear’ and in Gaelic ‘Lover of Deer’. Oscar was named by Michael. I had named the other three and my suggestions for number four were vetoed immediately. (I still stand by Malachi, Winston and Huckleberry - lovely names and no confusion in the playground !)

     I was very prepared to be late with this baby who we expected on. I had been very organised, Christmas shopping all done and wrapped, the earliest ever. There was the definite possibility that Michael would have to cook Christmas lunch, Suzi was not impressed with this idea! Michael was working three hours away and announced that he was planning to work two days after the due date.  My Mum and mother-in-law were on holiday (separately), ruling them completely out as birthing partners and/or babysitters. I needed to find a birthing partner and a babysitter to be on call 24 hours a day. I approached my Dad first, the man who likes children as long as they don't cry or generally make a noise, and the man who during the birth of his own children kept his eyes firmly above Mum’s shoulders. "Would you be my birthing partner?, or pick up the children?" Dad coughed and spluttered and made generally uncomfortable noises.  Technically speaking -he didn't agree or disagree or commit himself.  A week later he had decided to go to New York with a friend while my Mum was away, great! Of course there are three people I can always count on if my Mum is not at hand. My brothers offered themselves for the job of looking after the other three, saying they would sleep with their phones on loud and try to lay off the alcohol. My best friend Whitney was called upon to be my birthing partner, if Michael didn't make it. She was more than happy to agree.

     In the end, the wife of Michael’s work mate did me a massive favour. She booked a holiday for her family leaving the week I was due, forcing Michael to finish work that week. So I had him on hand, leaving my brothers free to enjoy the festive season without the worry of their sister’s imminent labour. Whitney was down as child carer.

      I was more relaxed this time around and we went off to bed as usual. I didn't worry about when he was coming. We had been told the sex at Michael’s request (I felt I owed him after the last time). His theory was that we hadn't found out the sex with the first two and they were girls, therefore if we find out it will definitely be a boy (we were hoping to even things out). This rather odd theory worked. I had been granted the ok by the midwives to have a home birth. Initially they said ‘no’ due to the fact that I had Strep B when James was born. Michael insisted I should be tested to see if I was still a carrier, he didn't want me staying in hospital for 5 days, with the baby on antibiotics and it not being certain that I had it. I was declared clear, so a home birth was put on my birthing plan.

    I woke at 2am with ‘period pains’.  Without waking Michael, I went downstairs and stood about watching telly. Four episodes of Friends later, Michael realised I wasn't in the bed. He came downstairs and made himself a coffee. I wasn't in too much pain, I had had a very spicy Indian meal the previous evening to 'smoke the baby out' and thought maybe that had upset my tummy. The midwives later explained why, although a curry may hasten labour, it can make their job very messy! I had been backwards and forwards to the loo and was convinced that was all it was. The pains became regular and Michael timed them.  He thought we should call Whitney to for help. It was 5am and I really didn't want to wake her - "Shall we just wait? The children might sleep through it." Our children are early risers - always up at 6:30 (aren’t they all ?).Michael said "Let's just ask Whitney to be here in case they wake, then she can either take them to school or sort their breakfast."   We called Whitney – lucky girl, a dark, frosty morning...

    She was with us by 5:30 a.m – before the midwives. The children woke at about 6am and Whitney served a picnic breakfast in my room. The midwives chatted to me, but felt I didn't need examining - "Just let it happen". My contractions slowed and I was fed toast with honey to try and get things going again. The children were dressed and desperate to see me. They asked "Are you ok Mummy?" and "Does it hurt? Is it coming out?" I desperately didn't want to send them to school terrified, so I smiled, tried to keep calm, hidthe pain and said "Mummy's fine’. In fact I wanted to rip the sofa cushion with my teeth to ease the pains. The midwife explained that I would probably not allow my body to give birth with the children in the house. I thought this pretty amazing - how canmy body be controlled by my mind ? Whitney agreed to take the children to her house before school.  Reluctantly, they left at 6:55am.  At 7:15 my contractions were very intense.  I was on all fours against the sofa saying through gritted teeth:  "I am never, ever doing this again!" Suddenly the pain took over and I lost control, Michael’s hand was next to me and I bent down and sunk my teeth into it. I felt much better.  Michael, on the other hand, was now swearing...

    The midwife announced "The baby will be coming any minute, Daddy go get some towels."  The towels are located directly at the top of the stairs in a cupboard. It should take 30 seconds to get them. Michael was gone for nearly 5 minutes. A tidal wave of pain seemed to submerge me and the urge was irresistible.. "Daddy, if you don't hurry you aregoing to miss it!" I pushed and the pressure was intolerable, my waters were bulging. "Can you break them?," I screamed I knew if they broke this baby would be out in a matter of seconds. "We don't do that, we only intervene if there is a problem, and you are doing beautifully." I was so cross, ‘doing beautifully’ - my arse - nothing about childbirth is beautiful! I pushed again The pressure was still there I pleaded with them, pleaded with Michael, “Please - just break them”. With the next push the waters nurst Oscar literally surfed out on them.. 7.30 am my boy was here - every inch of him perfection. 7:11 Ib so much smaller than my last  and I was in love once again. I looked at Michael and said "Never again ?"  He laughed and replied "Too right."  This family is now complete.

James.
     My big gorgeous boy: he was definitely my most traumatic birth.
     I knew I was having a boy because at my 20 week scan, Michael and I had agreed- after so many discussions that we weren't going to find out the sex. We had brought the girls with us to share in the experience, however the hospital were running late and the girls were very board. Once we finally got in, the ultrasound technician unfortunately couldn't get all the measurements as my bladder wasn't full enough, so I was sent out to drink more and would be called back in 15 minutes. Michael decided to take the girls for a walk and miss the second viewing, this was my chance. I began chatting to the technician, "do you know what the sex is?" I began she wouldn't give anything away, just replied with "do you want to know?" I explained that if it was a boy I wanted to know because I could tell Michael and he would be so excited, but if it was a girl while he would still be excited the excitement wouldn't hit him until she was born. She agreed and said she understood what I meant but I hadn't answered her question did I want to know? Could I do this to Michael? Would he be furious? Would he hate me forever and hold a grudge because he wasn't there? I couldn't help myself the words left my mouth before I had decided "yes please" "it's a boy" she grinned, I was so excited, I cried! I was bouncing so high out of the room, with a smile so big it would shock a clown. Michael took one look at me and said "what have you done?" On further inspection of my expression he said "you know what it is! Is it a boy?" I squealed and hugged him nodding my head ferociously we were having a prince!

       I started again on a beautiful summers day, it was a Saturday and I was 5 days late! I was furious! I hated being pregnant, and I had the terror of Strep B to contend with. Four days earlier I had gone to my midwife with the intent of having a membrane sweep, to get things started. I was huge with James and my midwife Lizzy had informed me that this baby boy was going to be my biggest baby. She wouldn't estimate a size as she felt their was no benefit in knowing.
       I had had thrush in my last two pregnancies and this one had been no different (sorry my male readers). I had done the treatment three weeks prior and it seemed it hadn't worked. I wasn't concerned, but as I climbed onto the bed I thought I had better mention it, before she saw me in all my glory. Lizzy looked worried, she said "we are going to have to test for Strep B". I was handed some leaflets and left alone until she could confirm it. Sitting reading these leaflets was one of the scariest moments of my life. I was alone and reading, miscarriage, still birth, meningitis although it said this is rare. I was panicking, Lizzy tried her best to calm me, explaining that yes it can be serious (so serious that I was not allowed to have the home birth I had planned) but as long as I had the antibiotics four hours before our baby boy was born, it would be absolutely fine. I was terrified this baby boy, our prince I was so desperate to meet, the little man kicking inside me, I was now terrified for him to be born I wanted to keep him inside forever, safe. I phoned my Mum and Mother in law to explain what they had found. Everyone was so lovely trying to keep me positive, saying the odds were in our favour, and he would be fine. I wasn't as optimistic as them I kept googling and scaring myself to death.
      The next 3 days I spent worrying myself silly if I hadn't felt him kick I panicked. My Gran was visiting nearby and asked if we wanted to meet for lunch. I desperately wanted to have some fun and stop worrying, so we all set off for an afternoon in the sunshine. I was huge and struggling to get up, but I was adamant to make the most of the sunshine. We sunbathed, Michael sailed with my grand pops, the children paddled. It was a lovely day and I didn't think about what might happen. Michael suggested we grab some tea to save me cooking (nothing to do with the steak on the menu). I had a sandwich, and my gran decided they would leave us to it. They were going to head back to their cottage. It was 5:30pm and I had my first pain, I didn't want to worry my gran so while she was powdering her nose I whispered to Michael, "I think it's happening, but lets wait until Grans gone, I can go home and have a bath first" I know this was very irresponsible, especially as I needed to have antibiotics four hours prior to labour. I was sure the labour would be as long as my last, and besides this was only a tiny pain, nothing more than a period pain. I was hours away from labour I thought. Suzi was chatting and dawdling, so to speed her up I decided to tell her "Suzi eat up honey, we need to meet Uncle Tom I think your brothers coming" with that she wolfed her food down and before i could catch her she sped out to announce what was happening to her GG. "GG, GG the babies coming!" The look of concern on my Grans face was a picture,she literally looked like she had seen some strange being dancing around in her best nighty. She insisted that as the hospital was only down the road, I must get my brother to meet me there to collect the girls. I tried to argue declaring "I have done this before! I like to relax in a hot bath before the hospital," gran did not agree, she bypassed me and headed straight to Michael "promise me you will take her to the hospital now," I rolled my eyes.
      My Mum and Dad were away for the weekend and my brother was on call to look after the girls. I phoned my Mum to explain the situation and paused every few minutes to breathe through another contraction. Tom met us at the hospital and couldn't quite believe that I could be in labour, I stood in the car park explaining the routine for the girls and discussing the various items I had packed. I took a silent moment every once in a while to let a contraction pass over me.
      On the walk into the hospital, with no small children around, I let Michael hear the full impact of my rage! "I told you not to bring me, we are going to get in here, I will be examined and I will only be about 1cm. I told you to take me home, we are going to be here for hours!!!" He replied with "at least it gives them plenty of time to give you the antibiotics" I could tell though, by the way he looked at me, that he was not looking forward to a long day cooped inside a hospital. I was taken upstairs and examined 3cm!! I shot Michael a dirty look and he couldn't hide his disappointment. The nurse said that I might as well stay as I need to have the antibiotics, she didn't seem pleased with me either. She said she would be back in a little while to set the drip up. Drip! So I wasn't going to be able to move, my birth plan was to walk around and give birth standing, could this last bit of pregnancy get any worse. I was trying not to think about all that I had read about Strep B, I was here in good time the antibiotics would work, so that was one thing I definitely didn't have to worry about. One box ticked.
      I walked up and down the boiling room impatiently "where is she? I know I am not far gone but its been half an hour," when she finally came back, my contractions were coming so quickly and I was so confused. 3 cm!! My contractions shouldn't be this frequent I asked if she would examine me again just to see if I was making progress, she declined explaining that it had only been half an hour. She didn't mention the antibiotics so Michael quizzed her "are you going to give Nicole the antibiotics now? If the contractions are coming this quick we don't want to miss the four hour slot," she looked confused and as the realisation hit her she declared "I forgot oops, I will go and get them" I rolled my eyes. We have a good one their, lets hope she doesn't forget I am in labour! I breathed through yet another contraction clinging to the window trying to breath in the fresh air. The midwife came back with a second pair of hands (thank god) and asked me to climb onto the bed, I reluctantly did as I was told. Finally hooked up to the drip they left the room.
      The pain was almost constant now, all I could think of was 3cm. I looked at Michael "something's different this time! If I am 3-4cm now and it hurts this much I can't last much longer, your going to have to get me an epidural or something" he laughed it off saying I would be fine just breathe. Suddenly I needed a wee- panic how was I supposed to get to the loo with the drip? Michael went and asked and they explained that Mike could push it behind me. "No I am fine, I can wait!" How degrading Michael following me to the loo! I asked for the loo two more times and changed my mind each time, until the midwife said "for goodness sake Michael just take her to the loo" the walk was horrendous a constant contraction all the way, Michael had to nearly carry me. Finally I got there I sat down (with Michael in their which made me very self conscious) "oh my god I need a poo" I directed at Michael "go then!" He shrugged at me tutting at my shyness. In 7 years I had never done a number 2 in front of him. I was completely embarrassed, giving birth is one thing but a number two! I pushed and the noise that escaped my mouth declared that this may not be a poo. Suddenly the midwife was banging on the door. Had she been there the whole time? Michaels face was utter fear, "what's going on in their?" she tried to make her voice calm "I don't know?" Michaels voice was anything but calm. I shot him a look his hand was rested on the lock "I am doing a poo don't you dare open that door!" I couldn't work out what the worry was. I was 3cm 40 minutes ago no baby comes through an opening that size, I could not have fully dilated in 40 minutes! I pushed again. The midwife screamed "that is not a poo," in one movement the door was open and both Michael and the midwife were dragging me to the bed. I was screaming in the middle of reception "wait, wait I haven't flushed the loo or washed my hands," beside the bed I was terrified. I was 3-4cm the size of a large plum. A baby couldn't fit through there unless it ripped through- oh god that image was haunting. I had only had the antibiotics for ten minutes my baby would die. The midwife must have read my mind she looked at me held my hand and very calmly said "you are fully dilated and your baby is coming" I lifted my leg to climb onto the bed and my waters exploded, firing to the other end of the room. 6 minutes later and my boy was in my arms, I was so confused and terrified I just clung to him while he fed. He was huge 9:13 Ib every inch a bonny boy.
      We sat together on the bed for an hour while Michael made calls, they weighed him, did the measurements and delivered my placenta. The midwife explained the impact not having the antibiotics in time had had. He would be taken off us, Michael can walk with him up to the special care unit, where they would put a cannula in, Michael wasn't allowed to watch this. I would be given a private room and would be called up to feed him when he was crying. Those few minutes that Michael and my new baby left me alone were the loneliest I had ever felt. My baby, my beautiful boy in special care.
      It wasn't all bad though I had my own room to start, which was lovely I went up a few times in the night to feed. Michael was coming back the next morning to introduce the girls to their new baby brother. I was called up to special care to feed James at 7:30am, walking past the tiny babies with tubes hanging out of them, struggling to breathe, the parents that had been by their babies side for weeks on end. I felt so guilty, so selfish for thinking my situation was bad. James was being given antibiotics to stop him developing anything associated with Strep B. Five days we would be in and then we could go home. I was a lucky one. I walked past all these babies and realised my girls would do the same, they would walk past all these babies on ventilators and presume their baby brother was sick to. I approached one of the nurses "I was just wondering, my daughters are visiting at about eleven, is their any chance at all that James could spend an hour in my room with us?" She smiled and said "has no one spoken to you? Actually the nurses have been talking, and he doesn't really fit in up here. We have nicknamed him perfect boy" she winked "how would you like to have him in your room and just bring him up for his antibiotics?" I was overjoyed nodding and saying "yes,yes that would be amazing," and with that I took my baby downstairs.
        The girls met their brother and immediately fell in love, Michael spent every possible moment he could of the next four days at the hospital. We were then discharged and our beautiful gift from god came home with us.
   

Eliza
      Michael and I didn't find out the sex of our first two babies at the 20 weeks scan, we decided to leave it as a surprise. Eliza was born on Sunday at 11:50am – a beautiful summer day.
Again, as with Suzi, I believed the baby would come early.  A week before my due date nothing doing and I was more and more desperate to meet ‘it’. My second pregnancy was far more tiring than the first;  probably due to the fact that we had a 2 year old running around.
    The night before my due date Michael and I lay in bed in house number 2. "When do you think it's coming?" I asked Michael. I had put all my clothes in the loft so I couldn't see them. I was fed up with looking at all the beautifully tanned, thin woman enjoying  a hot summer, while I felt fat and ugly!
"Early hours of the morning," he finally replied. I remember looking at him trying to work out if he was humouring me or if he really believed that.  After all I had had no pains or early warning signs that labour was imminent.  We rolled over and went to sleep.
    At about 4am I woke up with a tummy ache, I tried to forget about it and go back to sleep. I had felt very uncomfortable in the last stage of the pregnancy and often slept sitting up with a mountain of pillows supporting my back. I put the pain down to discomfort and shut my eyes. It wasn't working I didn't feel tired. I rolled over and nudged Michael, "I have a tummy ache." Michael grunted and pulled the covers over his head, he clearly wasn't getting the message! I decided rather than bothering him I would go downstairs and have a bath.
     When I thought the bath was ready I stuck my hand in only to find it was cold! I hadn't turned on the hot water. By now the pain was more intense. I turned on the hot water and knelt on the floor breathing through the contractions. At 4:30am Michael came down to the loo. The WC was in a room separate from the bathroom. Michael had to walk right past the open bathroom door where I was clinging to the bath, panting through the pain. He went into the WC, eyes barely open, weed, and walked back right past me up the stairs – totally oblivious. I was furious. I heard his footsteps pound each step quite slowly, half way up he seemed to pause. Suddenly the footsteps pounded down again, quickly he ran into the bathroom, realisation of the situation dawning on him.  "Are you ok? What are you doing?" he asked.  My deadpan reply:: "I think I am having a baby".
     We timed the contractions and at 5:30am we rang my Mum to ask her to come and look after Suzi who was still fast asleep. We then phoned the midwife who said we should come to the hospital. We got there at 6:30am she examined me and I was only 5cm dilated.   I was gutted. With Suzi I had been so far gone lon arrival at the hospital that I thought this would be the same. I thought I was going to be there all day! Michael couldn't get the telly to work so we sat and talked and played games. By 9:50am the pain was constant. I was examined and was 9cm dilated - Hooray! but I just couldn't get comfortable, it was so hot and sticky, I was twisting and turning. The midwife asked me over and over if I wanted gas and air, I kept declining until I noticed the big metal canister in the corner. "Is that the gas and air?" I asked, the midwife nodded "Do you want it?"  I nodded furiously. She wheeled the canister over and went to hand me the mask.   I shook my head, wrapped my arms around the large canister and rested my head on the cool metal. It was heaven!  Everyone laughed.
      At 10:40am I began pushing - 10 minutes later and Eliza was born – 8 lbs 1 oz the largest baby I thought I could ever have (little did I know).

     We were home by 12pm that same day and I lay on the sofa ready for a day of sleeping and cuddling my beautiful new baby girl. Mum had said she would have Suzi all day and bring her back that afternoon. Michael was  hovering about as I reached for the remote control "What are you going to do?" I was baffled - I had just given birth an hour before and intended to sit, sleep and be waited on by him!  "I am probably going to have a nap" I replied.  "On the sofa? Because you know your Mum’s sofa is more comfy and she's cooking a roast" I grunted and considered – probably it was more likely I would be looked after at my  parents’ house.  I agreed and by 1pm we were with the rest of my family enjoying roast beef with all the trimmings. Eliza, 2 hours old, slept soundly.

Suzi. 

      Suzi arrived a day late. I had been sure she would arrive at least a week early, I was 17 and thought I new it all. When she didn't arrive early I was then convinced she would never come, I would have to be induced 10 times and then they would perform a C- section. I was very neat with Suzi I only put on a stone by the time I reached 9 months. Michael and I both couldn't drive so we moved from the flat we had bought in the April to my parents house a week before my due date. Michael worked right up to my due date, I don't remember a specific conversation discussing if he would stop working before the baby came, however I am sure we must have had one. 

       The evening before my due date I had an episode of diarrhoea and discussed it, as you do with my Mum. I was going Christmas late night shopping with Michael and his Mum that evening and my Mum expressed her concern "the runs maybe the start perhaps you should stay at home" "no the baby is never coming I will be fine". We walked around the shop, Mike put me in the trolly and ran up and down the isles me squealing with delight then shouting at him when he nearly ploughed me into the frozen food isle. We came home and all was quiet.

     The next morning I awoke about 8.30am I had period pains that were annoying a dull ache not too painful, again I told my Mum. She had somewhere she had to be (eight years later I can't remember where sorry) she was concerned about leaving me alone all day. I protested yet again that this baby was going to be forced out of me "it's never coming!" I replied frustrated. So off she went. I spent pretty much all day in front of the telly Friends on a loop in between a few naps.

     By 6pm I had what I described as a tummy ache and mum told me to have a bath, I went up and Michael arrived in the doorway mid contraction. We had attended one antenatal class so he was terrified to see me heavy breathing with my eyes closed lying on the floor. "I think you need to go to the hospital" truth be told the thought had crossed my mind. I hadn't wanted to because I felt they weren't painful enough yet. I hadn't really had any braxton hicks and was convinced this was them, "I don't want to go to the hospital to hear them laugh at me and say darling you think this is painful wait for the real ones" I explained he agreed and helped me in the bath.

      6:45pm came and mum had cooked lamb chops they were ready but my contractions were very strong by now and regular. I tried desperately to hide how much pain I was in Mike had done a full days work and I knew he was starving, labour can last hours I knew that! I just wanted to wait until they had eaten then we would go to the hospital. My brothers and Mum sat up the table eating their tea while Michael ate his on the floor next to the sofa holding my hand through the contractions. After tea (of which I think I ate 2 mouth fulls) Mum made a call to the hospital and it was time to leave.

      When we arrived at the hospital I could barely walk every time I moved I got a contraction, so logic  told me don't walk! Mike got me a wheel chair which he couldn't control, I went for a trip into the bush twice which mid contraction is not a pleasant experience. When we had been to reception and instructed where to go Mike then trying to get to the lift proceeded to wheel me backwards into the door. By the time we got to the room and I was examined it was 8:20pm and I was seven centimetres dilated. I remember the midwife making a joke saying "we should wheel you out into the car park so other ladies can see how it's done" I knew she said this to everyone, I didn't feel like I was being 'brave' or 'doing well'. During the contractions I tried gas and air to ease the pain but after one puff I began to feel sick. I was terrified of being sick so decided not to have anymore. I found the best way to cope with the pain, was to stay very calm I took deep breaths and imagined being somewhere else. I was lying on a beach the sound of the waves soothing me- don't laugh it worked! When 8:50pm came around I felt the need for a very urgent poo and was suddenly very uncomfortable with the fact that Mike was in the room, though I said nothing. The midwives rushed in declaring that I was fully dilated and it was time to push. By 9pm her head was visible and at 9.40 she had arrived.

       I was cut during the delivery of the head. Just a small cut which with the pain of pushing, contractions and the adrenalin of the experience- with no pain relief I still didn't feel a thing. Following my Mum's instructions Suzi was immediately breast-fed after delivery and I never had an issue with feeding. I desperately wanted Mike to stay the night with me in the hospital but rules are only mother and baby. I was so upset that he couldnt stay I didn't sleep a wink all night, I lay and watched Suzi sleep. I couldn't believe she was mine, I felt I needed to ask permission to hold her. looking back that night was very special just my daughter and I, I think that rule as much as I hated it helped me bond with my beautiful baby girl. We left the next evening. Suzi was born at 21:40pm weighing 7:1 Ib.