Budget, budget and budget!

I live in a large house that costs more than you spend in a year to run, I have a hobby for every day of the week, my children are fully grown or go to private school and I am going to tell you that you don't know what budgeting is!

I have 4 children, I live in a house that is a wreck the kitchen falls apart every time you open a cupboard or a drawer, the carpets need replacing and the garden is a tip literally! i Am embarrassed to invite guests over. My husband works his bottom off so I can stay at home and be a full time mummy. He has his own company that I make calls do the accounts and any general paperwork etc that needs doing. I pay the bills buy the food and budget for clubs and food. Although I am supposed to take advice from you.

The hardest part about being a mummy is guilt. We struggle financially sometimes, not always I am very lucky that my husband works very hard and is rewarded for his efforts. In times like these everyone with a young family budgets. Our budget sometimes isn't small enough and cuts are impossible to make. My daughters do ballet my eldest got a distinction in her exam and her ambition is to be the next Darcy Bussel. So when things get tough do I stop her lessons? I have cut my food bill by £50 by going shopping only when I need to and meal planning. We don't go out in the car unless it is necessary we walk to the shop if its just some milk or bread we need. We swim more (swimming is cheaper than the zoo). We havent had. Holiday in 3 years. Still I feel lazy and inadequate for not working or spending to much or having to many children.
Does the guilt ever stop? Does every mother feel it? Does the mother that I pass in the street dressed head to toe in Ralph Lauren clothing. Her hair coloured every 6 weeks her nails manicured every 3. Her children in boarding school for £30,000 a term a horse, a large immaculate house cleaned by a live in nanny for her 6 month old baby. Does she feel the guilt when she looks at me in disgust thinking that we have crawled out of some corner and knowing that my house is to small and untidy and my children are not appropriate marriage material for her little royal lovelies.
I am a good mother I know this and believe this. I check the ofsted scoring of my children's schools so they go to the best one in the area. I moved from an area that wasn't good for my husband so my family had the best start. I encourage manners, hand washing and good etiquette. My children do after school clubs as I believe it broadens their horizons, encourages them to meet new people and I hope gives them something to aspire to thus keeping them out of trouble as teenagers. I cook home made food from only British ingredients. Still I feel inadequate I don't work I don't contribute to the family pot. I do things for my husbands business and I am a partner but it doesn't feel enough. When we struggle for money and people pass criticism thinking "why don't you stop being so lazy and go to work". I know I wouldn't be able to find a job that would pay for my 2 youngest to go to nursery and give me a wage that makes it worth it they then reply with "you shouldn't of had so many children if you couldn't afford it!" And I am stumped what do I say we could afford it we have just hit a rough spot. It's not worth the energy so it goes unsaid.
Men don't seem to see this guilt when I discuss it with my husband he says "I don't want you to work" or "don't take any notice" whilst staring at the tv not making eye contact with me.

Budgeting is hard if it wasn't the government would not be so stumped with the recession. Why do we have to criticise and blame each other. Why do we have to look down our noses and judge. Why can't we sympathise and help each other share advice and lend a hand when we see someone struggle.